I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
