Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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