what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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