I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
...so i touched it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
