dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
