And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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