it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
