I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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