This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
