I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
