So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
