just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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