people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize