these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
