it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
