i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
