The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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