Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
