So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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