Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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