She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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