She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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