Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
