You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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