and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
