i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
