my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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