we have officially mastered the walk of shame
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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