I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
