dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my liver is dry heaving
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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