note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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