my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
