I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
