Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
