i think i have herpe
just one?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
