Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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