Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
