He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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