well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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