I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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