Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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