Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
