She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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