She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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