Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize