who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
