Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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