Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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