I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
