Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
