I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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