I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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