barbara walters just said penis...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
