Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
