eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize