And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
