3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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