I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
