I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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