i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I licked your asshole in confidence.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
