your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
