I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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