I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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