Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
