So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
