Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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