so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
