What a fucking waste of an outfit
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
