i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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